Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You? quiz.

As you are probably aware, our great neighbors are a bit on the thrifty side, and I believe I’ve discussed Verna’s wardrobe in the past (two shirts, one trucker cap). Well, yesterday, as Smokin’ and I were pulling onto my street, we saw the latest design from -

Verna Couture Pour Homme

Confused?

This ensemble was created by sewing together two pairs of pants with out altering - too much - the original shape of either pair. Smokin and I are one hundred percent sure that these pants are an original design and not “off the rack”. The pants are distressed in some areas for an authentic rural flair. The House of Verna is calling this look “Crotch Chic”.

In other news: Rocky was recently sighted on hind legs. Evidence supports the allegations that she is female. Sources say the possibility of cubs nearby is high.

Doesn’t this just beat all:

“But for most of their history, shorts have remained a signifier of serious joggers, unstylish suburbanites, and conspicuous Americans abroad. They are the C-list celebrity of summer fashion, maligned yet ubiquitous. Recently, however, tastemakers have declared that the ultimate summer faux pas is once again cool. In the July issue of Lucky, editor-in-chief Kim France writes, “Before this year’s flat-fronts … have you ever seen shorts in Lucky?” (The very dated pleated-fronts, if you own them, should remain a skeleton in your closet.) And both Vogue and Elle have recently displayed shorts in their pages. These items are either the size of table napkins—like the $200 crocheted pair in Elle, which could double as underpants—or long, skinny columns designed for the 12 living women with pipe-cleaner thighs. In Vogue’s April “Shape Issue,” a photo spread featuring 90-pound gazelles lounging in shorts reads: “As the days grow longer, trouser lengths get shorter. It’s a great look, especially for the slight of frame.” The hint is hardly subtle. ”

Wow. So all this time shorts were out?

The Stella Awards

It’s time once again to review the winners of the Annual “Stella Awards.”

The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald’s (in NM). That case inspired the Stella awards for the most frivolous, ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States.

Here are this year’s winners:

5th Place (tie):
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son.

5th Place (tie):
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hubcaps.

5th Place (tie):
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn’t re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

4th Place:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into
the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3rd Place:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

2nd Place:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

1st Place:
This year’s run away winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, (from an OU football game), having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner’s manual that she couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons around.