Happy Fall, y’all.

Ps: visit the blog I snatched that from.

The Buddha loves Moxie

Because I want you to be as disturbed as I am: scaryfreakyweirdos

I ran across this fat mama in the backyard this morning (well not this one exactly, I grabbed the picture from another site). As I stood in mute amazement I wondered if there had been a toxic leak somewhere that had created this mutant. So that you understand the scale of her largess, I have to tell you that her circumfrence was slightly more than that of a Marlboro. Huge. Here’s what I found on the net:

Cowkillers are parasites of cicada killer wasps. They use their amazing stingers for protection should the cowkiller be discovered by the cicada killer wasp in its nest. This attractive velvet ant squeaks audibly, especially when stepped on, and is exceptionally tough. However, if stepped on barefooted, the squeaks of the cow killer would be drowned out by screams of the victim. Perhaps this is the derivation of the name, cowkiller. All velvet ants are parasitic wasps. The females are wingless and resemble hairy ants. The males have wings and resemble other small, dark, wasps. Female velvet ants seek out a host nest and lay their eggs on the host larva. The velvet ant larvae consume the host wasp larvae, pupate and mature into another generation of velvet ants. The cow killer parasitizes the nests of the cicada killer. Cow killers slip into the host wasp nest, lay their eggs and depart. The exceptionally tough exoskelton of the cow killer protects it from stings of the host wasp in case they meet in the nest. Velvet ants are not usually numerous, and no control measures are usually needed. However, one of the commercial aerosol bee and wasp sprays or one of the flying insect aerosols will also kill this insect.

Oh, and did I mention how great those popovers were last night? You should definitely make some. The best part? NO YEAST. Whip ‘em up in less than five and bake for forty. Scrumptious.

As you are probably aware, our great neighbors are a bit on the thrifty side, and I believe I’ve discussed Verna’s wardrobe in the past (two shirts, one trucker cap). Well, yesterday, as Smokin’ and I were pulling onto my street, we saw the latest design from -

Verna Couture Pour Homme

Confused?

This ensemble was created by sewing together two pairs of pants with out altering - too much - the original shape of either pair. Smokin and I are one hundred percent sure that these pants are an original design and not “off the rack”. The pants are distressed in some areas for an authentic rural flair. The House of Verna is calling this look “Crotch Chic”.

In other news: Rocky was recently sighted on hind legs. Evidence supports the allegations that she is female. Sources say the possibility of cubs nearby is high.

I’ve been tagged by Minivan Mom and here are the rules:

The game consists of answering five questions and then tagging three blogger friends to answer five questions. You can also add three categories.The questions are:

If I could be a scientist…If I could be a farmer…If I could be a musician…If I could be a doctor…If I could be a painter…If I could be a gardener…If I could be a missionary…If I could be a chef…If I could be an architect…If I could be a linguist…If I could be a psychologist…If I could be a librarian…If I could be an athlete…If I could be a lawyer…If I could be an inn-keeper…If I could be a professor…If I could be a writer…If I could be a llama-rider…If I could be a bonnie pirate…If I could be an astronaut…If I could be a world famous blogger…If I could be a justice on any one court in the world…If I could be married to any current famous political figure…If I could be an Office Supply Salesman…If I could be a Dog-show judge…If I could be a Coal Miner…if i could be a baker…if i could be a comedian…if i could be a monk…if I could be a TV commercial director…if I could be car designer . . . if I could be a postal worker.

1. If I could be a monk: Wow. That would be a hard one to pull off, but if I could be a monk, the question would have to first be - what kind? Tibetan, Catholic, Hindu? Do I want to meditate, walk barefoot over coals or make cheese? If it weren’t for having to put Christianity on the backburner, I think I go with Tibet. Peaceful bowl tapping and such while looking o’er sparkling mountains. I think I’d skip the koans though. Seems I’d just want to sit and be quiet without having to ponder whether or not the sound of Rosie Perez yapping can be heard if no one else is around. Plus, the Catholic girls who go out for that sort of thing always lose in the end. You know, Pope Joan, Joan of Arc - wait -my names not Joan - maybe I’d have a chance . . .? Hmmmm . . . cheese good . . .

2. If I could be a Gardener: One thing I’ve always dreamed of doing is living in a place where anything botanical is possible. I someday want to have a garden that surrounds my whole house and is reminiscent of Candyland. I want a peppermint walkway with star petunias, a cotton candy corner full of pink hydrangeas and the path will be tumbled glass pebbles of various colors. I won’t go into any more specifics - I don’t want any of you crackers stealing my idea.

3. If I could be a Painter: Sort of on my way to that one, but if I were a full fledged painter and people paid me the big bucks, I’d use some of the cash to paint out in the open in beautiful, remote locales like the purple mountains of Chile (or wherever the Tauk guide said that picture was taken?). Or, I could be a street painter in France, but no, that sounds boring. I could do transgender paintings like the one at the beginning of this post that I have titled Jinny as Monk In Repose.
To see the original go here

4. If I could be an Inn-Keeper: Well, you can bet your bottom dollar that it wouldn’t be at the EconoLodge on 45. No, if I were an inn-keeper I would have a small inn on some country road in the middle of nowhere on a wooded lot. It would have a sign that says “Since 1698″ and I would serve fresh homemade bread and muffins and heat up antique fire branded bed warmers for people. I’d have a deer feeder (attractive one) out back so that when people enjoyed their morning coffee they could comment about quaintness and peaceful nature and shouldn’t we move to Stepford and nevermind that last one. But seriously, I’d wear a peasant blouse and have ‘ironed daily’ swiss curtains.

(A close approximation of the above is a childhood memory of mine that you can see here. There were deer in the creek that could be seen from the dining room. You’ll have to exuse me now, I’m ferclempt. Pass the tissue.)

5. If I could be a llama rider: I’d say “I’m done with the U.S. and I’m going on walk-about.” Then I’d ride off into the sunset, or actually I wouldn’t because then I’d end up in Cali, so I’d ride south of the sunset where I’d put myself and my llama onto a cruise ship headed forVenezuela, because who really wants to cut through Mexico anyway, and we’d ride from Venezuela all through
South America hitting the hot spots like Machu Pichu and other ruins, Carnivale, Montevideo (great rental prices there) and then we’d take a time out in Peru to visit my llamas cousins. I’d meet up with Juan Valdez somewhere along the way and get the hook up on some good coffee. I’d also be sure to try some of that hot chocolate from Chocolat. I’d end up in those mountains from the Tauk guide that I wanted to paint and when I was done I’d have Sean wire me $20,000 or so and I’d set up a homestead in Chile for our retirement which would probably be shortly thereafter seeing as how $20,000 is lot of money down there.

I tag: Merrie, Haggis, Star998

In light of recent events happening to all and sundry,

I Declare Today is Gene Simmons Day.

Go on, stick your toungue out at the world . . .

Smokin - make sure not to expose yours carelessly . . .

Due to a little mis-firing in the brain this morning, which was my own fault entirely, I was stuck in the 70’s all day. I don’t just mean remembering little things from the 70’s or songs from the 70’s. No, what I mean is, is that I was having some weird perception shift where every little thing made my entire world and existence seem like I had traveled back in time. Sean said that happened to him early last week with his MF Crisis post. That’s all well and good, but if you know me, you know that I have a severe distaste and near phobia of the 70’s.

It all started with this one innocent little book.

Yes, I know, the title says 80. However, I think everyone will agree that 1980 was a little closer in resemblence to 1975 than 1985.

I read the book while I waited for Amazon to quit, well, nevermind, and so there I was reading about CHIPS and Gary Coleman and then I landed on Eight is Enough. That prompted an internet search to find all of the children and what had happened to them and what I found wasn’t pretty. I won’t go into it except to say that that’s where I think the perception shift started. Here’s a tip: if you don’t like an era as much as I don’t like the 70’s, don’t go messin’ around with it. Stay clear.

For the rest of the day, every corner I turned, even every direction my eyes turned, there was the 70’s. Sean’s clothes on the floor, dust motes in a sunbeam, Milton painting his trim (which isn’t that far off from the 70’s anyway), the old nasty books I was shelving, etc. A table mat on Sean’s bedside table that I thought was attractive yesterday, today seemed like it was about to be a new home for Sue Ellen’s whiskey glass.

That’s getting 86′d tomorrow.

These two look to0 much alike not to be related. Think he’s the father?

Hey, didn’t someone say I needed photoshop or something? Too tired to care now, anyhow. That’ll do.

Yes, emphatically, YES! Evil, pissy, SOUR, Lemon. I am wallowing in strife and pain and I plan to stay the rest of the week. I am curling up my upper lip and settling in with a book about Satan and will not withdraw until the darkness abates. I need rest, and to visit my other home beyond the veil of sleep. The past three years I have missed my April hibernation and with each passing year I rot more and more. Soon I will be rotten to the core! YOU CAN’T STOP ME. Maybe I should indulge in some yoga tomorrow morning to take the edge off . . . . ?

Here’s a pic of my new church : )

Bahai gardens and temple in Israel

I took a quiz at Beliefnet.com that’s purpose was to connect you with the faith most appropriate to your beliefs.

Rankings:

1. Bahá’í Faith (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (98%)
3. Mahayana Buddhism (96%)
4. Liberal Quakers (92%)
5. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (92%)
6. Jainism (86%)
7. Sikhism (86%)
8. Theravada Buddhism (86%)
9. Hinduism (82%)
10. Reform Judaism (80%)
11. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (77%)
12. Neo-Pagan (76%)
13. New Age (75%)
14. Orthodox Judaism (71%)
15. Taoism (69%)
16. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (69%)
17. New Thought (68%)
18. Islam (61%)
19. Scientology (59%)
20. Jehovah’s Witness (58%)
21. Secular Humanism (53%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (52%)
23. Orthodox Quaker (50%)
24. Seventh Day Adventist (38%)
25. Nontheist (38%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (36%)
27. Roman Catholic (36%)

Agnostics may even be interested in the quiz because it accounts for that, and for every question there is a science option. The quiz is very speedy; I was done in about a minute and a half.

It seems that one must be censored, even in their own domain.

Let’s go a little lighter . . . Anyone care to join me for a new wave, techno gyration? Pull out the strobe light, baby and get down!

If you don’t get it, call Bill Paxton.

That’s an advertisement on the wall at a local hamburger establishment. It does entertain the question: “Why haven’t I seen a chicken’s nugget?”

Sean and I were recently surprised to see a squirrel’s nugget on the back of a British magazine recently. We discussed what part American prudishness played in the airbrushing of small animal genetalia.

There is a very large polar bear hovering over a taxidermist’s office on the feeder of 45 and you can see all the bear’s goods. It’s a 20 foot statue! And they had problems with old David’s wanker on top of the Oshman’s in Shenandoah?
So what’s the catch? If it’s inanimate then go for it, but if it’s a photo, steer clear? < -- Ha! Get it?

Steer Clear?

So. I want to know what you all think of this:

Go to this website and report back: ChristianityDaily

Go on! Go!

A public one, that is, and you’re washing up after having done, well, what you’ve done, and you’re singing along to the song raining down from the speakers, does it suddenly seem like you’re in your own private disco? Do you imagine that Barry Gibb is perched up on the ledge of a stall with reflections of the disco ball swarming all over his flourescent smile? Does the feeling and the song follow you all the way to the parking lot where you take your friend (in this case a tall drink of a smoking margarita) by the hand and spin him around while singing More Than a Woman, both you and him, laughing and singing under the foggy fake moonlight of the Denny’s sign? It would be nice if magic popped up and tapped me on the shoulder all the time, or maybe I’d get tired of it. Who knows?

Coming to you live in 2005!

Jmc, Dave Chappelle, and Adam Curry singing their new hit single:

THE HOT IS IMPLIED

See them live at the Summit -

CHOCOLATE LAVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired. So tired. Maybe this will hold you all till tomorrow . . .

Cozy. Might look nice with clearish blue liquid. Hmmmmm . . .